2. I was sexual from a very early age. I masturbated for the first time at around 3 years old and thought it was the most amazing thing I'd ever discovered. I wondered if everyone did it, and if so why no one ever said anything about it! I could have a string of orgasms at once, and have since lost the ability to do that.
3. I've always suspected that there was some sort of sexual abuse in my childhood, but have never been able to recall more than a vague memory and it has never really bothered me to think about it.
4. I grew up very confused about sex and relationships, mostly because my parents relationship never made any sense to me. My mother always told me “you don't need a man to complete your life” but I always wondered why she married a man she could barely tolerate, let alone love, made our lives hell at points because of it, but didn't leave him. I love my father dearly, but they were never meant to be together.
5. my first sexual relationship was with my best friend in elementary school. She, like I, was sexual from a very early age, and we would often have dry sex, and then laugh about it a little awkwardly afterward. To this day I remember the instant feeling of boredom I felt the instant the orgasm was over. Never did figure that one out.
6. I was never made to feel guilty about masturbation in any direct sense, but I always had a gross feeling of shame immediately afterwards in my adolescent years. I eventually talked myself out of that.
7. The first sexual relationship I had with a boy, I was 15 and nowhere near ready for it. He often would ask for sex, and I would refuse him, as I would have rather just hung out like buddies instead. Eventually I gave in and got pregnant. I miscarried early on, though being young and uninformed I didn't really know what was going on. It was only after the due date came and went, and there was no baby that I realized that there would never be one. I mourn that would-be child to this day.
8. That boy is now grown up and one of my best friends. We have sex occasionally, mostly because it always feels like coming home again. He has sexuality problems, and sometimes I think it is because of the way our first sexual experiences played out. I don't know how I feel about that. We have only ever talked about that pregnancy once, when I told him about it 5 years after the fact.
9. My next sexual relationship was with a long-term boyfriend of 3 years. I didn't much like having sex with him but LOVED when he would finger me. I think it was the closeness of it. He would wrap me up with one big arm, and slid his hand down between my legs with the other. For some reason I always felt as though I should orgasm when we were having sex so it wasn't often that I would let myself cum that way, I regret that sometimes.
10. I find it very hard to listen to my own needs in any sexual encounter, and often find myself eager to serve the needs of my partner whilst neglecting my own. I find it very difficult to 'let' myself feel anything if I am with someone new. I don't like that at all.
11. I am teaching myself to relax and to trust. Its a hard thing to do.
12. The man I am with currently is a lovely person. We are not sexually compatible at all at the moment, as he has had some major health problems of late. He is my mate though, the one that I am bound to, and I love him too much for sex to be a deal breaker. We have always had an 'open relationship' which has served well for the times when the sex has become frustrating or boring.
13. I know that at some point he and I will be on the same page again, and when we are it is gonna be one hell of a ride! (pun entirely intended :)
14. I have had several sexual partners while being in a relationship with my Love. We have had a few threesomes together, and it makes me dripping hot to watch him fuck another woman.
15. I have had sex with 4 women. The latest one, I am hopelessly in love with. Its a strange kind of love I feel for her. In my eyes she is the Goddess embodied, and it is a love that is borne out of mutual respect, sisterhood and a touch of lust that we share. That was one of the few times that I can truly say that I 'made love' with someone.
16. in recent months I have stumbled upon a relationship with a man that I never thought would leave the realm of fantasy. I have learned much from this person in our time together and sometimes I feel that I am meant to learn some profound life lesson through him. What that is I don't know, and don't really care much to find out. Sometimes I think what I love most about most about our relationship, is that he has never once treated me like I might break, and has been the only one (besides myself) to truly test the limits of my sexuality.
17. I hesitate to label myself into any one 'kind' of sexuality, simply because it changes so frequently. I love women, and I love men, and I love those who lie somewhere in the in-between. There are quirks and 'isms' about each gender and sex that I crave, and love to explore. It so happens that my mate has a penis. The reason he is my love, and no other, is because he loves me enough to be happy for me when its time for me to go exploring once again. The love I feel for this man is something that I would be hard pressed to find in any other person.
18. I like pain. The right kind of pain has the same effect as a killer orgasm for me. Its not the same feeling, but the same effect of 'release' just the same. A lover once bit me so hard that I had a decent hematoma to dote on for nearly two weeks. I loved the feeling of my shirt rubbing against it, reminding me of the incredibly intense moment it was given to me.
19. I think that as I get older I will find a kink and run with it. I am as of yet, too distrustful of anyone I know who would be willing to explore any BDSM fantasies I might have, but I'm OK with that, for now.
20. I have 3 tattoos. Receiving one in particular was one of the most erotic experiences of my life. The other two were immensely painful, which resulted in my putting myself into a very deep meditative state. I mention this here because my tattoos are, to a degree, an extension of my own exploration of my sexuality through pain and endurance.
21. I have a lot to learn about myself and my sexuality. I am young still, and most of the time I feel confused about who I am, and who I want to be sexually. This too, is something that I'm ok with, for now.
22. I love menstruation. It is a powerful and erotic experience, one that makes me eternally grateful that I was born a female. It breaks my heart to hear about young women who are ashamed of their blood.
23. I have been to a number of camping festivals, most of them spiritual in nature. I have had sex there only once in all my years of going, and that was with my mate. Interestingly, I have menstruated every single time I have been to a festival.
24. Children (a natural extension of sexuality) have always been a priority for me, and I have shaped my life thus far so that one day soon I will have them in my life. I have always had a huge fear of infertility, and have been told on a number of occasions that I will need a lot of help becoming pregnant. I am not inclined to believe that, as I have had two miscarriages in my life. Each of my pregnancies has taught me volumes about who I am and what my body is and isn't capable of.
25. As I go back over my list, to count how many 'things about my sexuality' I have, I am amazed at how easy this has been to write.
