Monday, December 28, 2009

1) I'm a 24 year old male and a 2 on the Kinsey scale.

2) I've slept with 12 women, two of whom I loved.

3) And one transgender person, who I loved as well.

4) I'm all about gender equality and so on but I'm afraid that, sexually, I'm pretty much a dominant straight guy, loosely defined, of course, but willing to accept queer as a label. Sometimes, I think my blandness is a failing but I know that's not going to change. Still, I'm uncomfortable with the privilege my heterosexual masculinity grants me.

5) I've never had a one-night stand. I've had a two-night stand, however, and I sometimes miss the fragility of that final day. She was an exchange student.

6) I was engaged once because that was the prerequisite for having sex in her father's house. She bought me a spinner engagement ring. She wanted babies. I did not. We were both 20 at the time and smarter than that. She has twins now and I am happy for her. She's a great mom. I will be a great dad for my future daughter (singular, gender non-negotiable).

7) I don't enjoy cunnilingus because I don't think I'm very good at it. I am, however, really good at rimming. I don't know if I am good because I enjoy it or if I enjoy it because I'm good at it.

8) I've been told multiple times that I have a beautifully shaped cock. It's about average in size (6) and girth (5.5) so I've never believed it whenever they've said it. Guess I'm not much of an aesthete.

9) I've never been in an orgy but I've fucked an ex in the same room as my best friend and my ex's best friend. It was pretty hot because my best friend and and I ended up syncing up on our thrusting. I thought it was really cool. Two best friends having sex with two best friends. Close enough to high five, though we didn't.

10) I could never be in an actual orgy. I'm too selfish and don't trust my partner to stay with me in a monogamous relationship afterward. I like monogamy. I'm lame like that. It might also be because I hate condoms and think behavior that makes condoms necessary isn't for me.

11) I prefer ass over tits but I think tits are more comforting.

12) The first orgasm I had was when I was 12 and I accidentally rubbed up against my bare mattress because the sheets were in the wash. I was very confused.

13) I have no fetishes to speak of. What attracts me sexually to a person varies and is always specific to that one person. I really wish I had a type I could narrow my tastes down to: "likes Native women with big tits, has a foot fetish and a thing for the harem girl look." I think it'd make me more normal and also, more interesting. I hate having to say "uhh" when I'm asked what I like or go for. This is a matter of great concern for my family who aren't comfortable with certain kinds of relationships. They're convinced that I'll break their heart with my eventual choice of mate, and I know I will.

14) Hmm, maybe #13's not entirely accurate re: fetishes. I have a thing for Hispanic accents/culture. I will quite literally sleep with any Brazilian Portuguese speaker, no matter how ugly, simply because of how they sound when they speak.

15) I've dated every major ethnicity but East Asian. And not for lack of trying. I think every man in my almost-majority-Asian West Coast hometown has dated an Asian woman, but somehow, they simply do not find me attractive. This depresses me. Why don't Asian women like me? This dating diversity thing has not been a conscious choice for me, but now it is something of a goal to bed an Asian girl.

16) The best blowjob I've received was on a Greyhound five minutes or so from the US-Canada border. We were returning from a metal concert (Katatonia/Agalloch) in Portland. I was terrified that I would not be allowed back into the country for being lewd or whatever. Finished up barely ten seconds before the lights were turned on. I came so hard it was embarrassing.

17) I think I would have been homophobic if my first girlfriend hadn't forbidden me from getting off on watching girls in porn. It almost tore us apart until I realized that trannies exist and were a convenient loophole. It took me about a year to be comfortable with that aspect of my sexuality. Still, it astounded me when I found myself in an actual relationship with a transgender person who was just starting out. In fact, the first time she ever stepped out of the house presenting female was with me. The first time either of us stepped into a gay bar was together. I didn't think I'd ever be that brave or that I would come to love someone not genetically female. It surprised a lot of people, ourselves included, what a natural couple we made. It also made me realize that most men who are attracted to the transgendered are, generally speaking, really, really sleazy and the scum of the gay community. I don't think I could be with another like her unless we connected the way she and I did. I don't know why I have that bar.

18) When my ex and I vacationed in a cabin in the woods a few years ago, we fucked 50 times in 4 days. I didn't think it was physically possible. We were aiming for 10 or 15 but we had nothing else to do as we were snowed in and I'd blown my pay check on the cabin itself and couldn't afford to go out. It was a really nice cabin.

19) My favorite thing to do is fall asleep inside my partner. Nothing matches that feeling of closeness. I also like it when I wake up before them and pull out ever so slowly. The look on their face when they wake up, that mix of shock and anger and pleasure and desire really turns me on.

20) I like laughter. I dislike sex that isn't, at its core at least, overtly good-humored and this is why I actively dislike dominant/submissive type relationships. I don't want to take away your control. I think any relationship that cannot find the humor in the bodies that make it up is not a relationship worth having. I want to feel awe at the human connection and laugh about it and feel happy.

21) I was kissed by my professor who is also a famous author during a one-on-one session that had to do with my work. I wasn't expecting the kiss (I thought it was a random unprovoked hug goodbye), nor had I expressed or received any prior indication of interest. I pulled away because it was inappropriate but I did say "Thank you" because the thought that I could possibly make a famous writer want me provided me with immense gratification.

22) I think I'm ugly and so take any expression of interest in me with a ton of gratitude. One of my best friends (who I tried to sleep with) told me that most people don't hit on me because I seem so confident in my skin that they presume I have a girlfriend or wouldn't be into them. Or it could be that I'm just that unattractive. Not grotesque or anything close to it, just far from the norm. I'm told I'm intimidating. They don't realize I pet stray kittens I meet. People who find this out often fall in love with me. I really want to be conventionally handsome.

23) I've let a couple of my friends use my bedroom to conduct their illicit sexual activities in. I feel sorry for people who have no place to fuck in. I'm nice like that.

24) I think it's strange how even though I hate having my picture taken in regular social settings, I'm completely comfortable with having my picture taken in a sexual setting. I'm also comfortable knowing that a couple of my exes have put those pictures up online. That said, I could never post any of the stuff on my camera online. For some reason, I think that's gross, as is taking my picture myself. Someone else better be doing the clicking.

25) A couple months ago, I was juggling three women. I didn't like the effect secrecy had on myself and my wallet. I did it because I felt like the world owed me for sticking with my last relationship which became a long-distance thing due to my move. I wouldn't do it again.