Monday, December 28, 2009

1. I just turned 20 and I am still a total virgin.

2. I don't meet any of the virgin girl stereotypes: I'm not religious, I don't have moral issues with sex, I'm not unattractive and I get hit on a lot. I have a bit of a bad girl reputation with my smoking/drinking/swearing, so people tend to assume I'm pretty experienced. I always have trouble discussing my virginity.

3. Like I have inhibitions about discussing sex, I've always had a lot of inhibitions about actually having it. Every time I've had a chance to hook up, I've either turned it down or chickened out.

4. I used to think this was because I was asexual, but I don't think I am. I think I'm just afraid of intimacy.

5. Due to this fear, I suppose, I've only had one real boyfriend. We never went further than hand-up-the-shirt, but for some reason I feel gross about having him touch me when I didn't really like him that much.

6. Despite all this - I feel like my virginity is a burden, and I have a horrible fear of being a virgin forever. Weird dilemma, right? Sometimes I wish I could just fast-forward through sex and get it over with so I'd be deflowered and done with it.

7. I'm also intimidated by the sexual expectations for women these days. We have to look smokin' hot, work it on top, give great blowjobs. What's a poor virgin girl to do? 'Lie back and think of England' seems almost charming in comparison.

8. I've concluded that I need to lose my virginity in a one-night stand while exceedingly drunk. I have standards, though - the guy has to be 1) attractive and 2) very considerate. Couple these with my lack of time to party, and it may be a long time.

9. There probably won't be blood the first time, either - I popped my cherry as a kid during gymnastics.

10. I have zero interest in porn. I have given it a try, but I find it either laughable or boring.

11. I am rarely interested in my hand, either. Maybe I am less sexual than normal.

12. Or maybe it's just my weird concepts of sexuality. I am very, very attracted to male dominance. Sometimes I feel guilty about this like it makes me a bad feminist.

13. On top of that, my interests hold for nothing egalitarian in the bedroom. I have no desire to receive oral sex, be on top, or play the dominatrix. I'd rather the man be in charge of everything and I like the idea of mock rape, bondage, masochism, submission. Horrible feminism, right? But we can't change our desires.

14. Even though my tastes run along the BDSM spectrum, I can't imagine myself ever being part of the fetish community. While I respect them with all my heart, something about it - the crazy vinyl outfits, the public shows and discussions, the rules - seems very comical to me, and that ruins all the fun.

15. I feel like I'm not sexually liberated enough to be a modern feminist woman. But would it really be liberation if I forced myself to do something simply for its own sake?

16. I'm jealous of 'liberated' women - strippers, burlesque dancers, sex-worker advocates, feminist porn writers. They all have something I don't, and sometimes I feel like I'm their enemy - like I'm a repressed woman, giving in to the patriarchy. But, like I said - we can't change our desires.

17. Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only straight girl who doesn't have bi-curious impulses. All my female friends have/want to 'experiment', even with me, but I've never had any interest in it. I think girls are attractive, but it's a purely aesthetic thing.

18. Though, once I had a dream where I was making out with Greta Garbo. It was hot.

19. I have a mad passion for sexy lingerie. I love thigh high stockings, garter belts, frilly panties, corsets. I also secretly adore skanky stripper shoes and thigh-high boots.

20. I think penises are kind of ugly. But I like them as a symbol of power.

21. Power is the sexiest thing in the world. I have had several crushes on bosses and profs. I tend to go for older men, too, so it's a horrible double-whammy. I never act on my impulses, though - there's too much that can go wrong.

22. The only thing as sexy as power? A nice foreign accent.

23. I am very attracted to SS uniforms. Not only are they the most attractive military uniform, but the SS officer is the pinnacle of male dominance and power - and German accents are hot. I think this is a horrible, horrible thing to be attracted to, and I feel very, very guilty about it. But, once again - we can't change our desires.

24. What we do have control over, however, is our choices. I have chosen to never, ever, ever watch The Night Porter.

25. I feel better having written about this, since I never discuss my sexuality in real life. Looking back on what I've written - it's probably a good thing.
1) I'm a 24 year old male and a 2 on the Kinsey scale.

2) I've slept with 12 women, two of whom I loved.

3) And one transgender person, who I loved as well.

4) I'm all about gender equality and so on but I'm afraid that, sexually, I'm pretty much a dominant straight guy, loosely defined, of course, but willing to accept queer as a label. Sometimes, I think my blandness is a failing but I know that's not going to change. Still, I'm uncomfortable with the privilege my heterosexual masculinity grants me.

5) I've never had a one-night stand. I've had a two-night stand, however, and I sometimes miss the fragility of that final day. She was an exchange student.

6) I was engaged once because that was the prerequisite for having sex in her father's house. She bought me a spinner engagement ring. She wanted babies. I did not. We were both 20 at the time and smarter than that. She has twins now and I am happy for her. She's a great mom. I will be a great dad for my future daughter (singular, gender non-negotiable).

7) I don't enjoy cunnilingus because I don't think I'm very good at it. I am, however, really good at rimming. I don't know if I am good because I enjoy it or if I enjoy it because I'm good at it.

8) I've been told multiple times that I have a beautifully shaped cock. It's about average in size (6) and girth (5.5) so I've never believed it whenever they've said it. Guess I'm not much of an aesthete.

9) I've never been in an orgy but I've fucked an ex in the same room as my best friend and my ex's best friend. It was pretty hot because my best friend and and I ended up syncing up on our thrusting. I thought it was really cool. Two best friends having sex with two best friends. Close enough to high five, though we didn't.

10) I could never be in an actual orgy. I'm too selfish and don't trust my partner to stay with me in a monogamous relationship afterward. I like monogamy. I'm lame like that. It might also be because I hate condoms and think behavior that makes condoms necessary isn't for me.

11) I prefer ass over tits but I think tits are more comforting.

12) The first orgasm I had was when I was 12 and I accidentally rubbed up against my bare mattress because the sheets were in the wash. I was very confused.

13) I have no fetishes to speak of. What attracts me sexually to a person varies and is always specific to that one person. I really wish I had a type I could narrow my tastes down to: "likes Native women with big tits, has a foot fetish and a thing for the harem girl look." I think it'd make me more normal and also, more interesting. I hate having to say "uhh" when I'm asked what I like or go for. This is a matter of great concern for my family who aren't comfortable with certain kinds of relationships. They're convinced that I'll break their heart with my eventual choice of mate, and I know I will.

14) Hmm, maybe #13's not entirely accurate re: fetishes. I have a thing for Hispanic accents/culture. I will quite literally sleep with any Brazilian Portuguese speaker, no matter how ugly, simply because of how they sound when they speak.

15) I've dated every major ethnicity but East Asian. And not for lack of trying. I think every man in my almost-majority-Asian West Coast hometown has dated an Asian woman, but somehow, they simply do not find me attractive. This depresses me. Why don't Asian women like me? This dating diversity thing has not been a conscious choice for me, but now it is something of a goal to bed an Asian girl.

16) The best blowjob I've received was on a Greyhound five minutes or so from the US-Canada border. We were returning from a metal concert (Katatonia/Agalloch) in Portland. I was terrified that I would not be allowed back into the country for being lewd or whatever. Finished up barely ten seconds before the lights were turned on. I came so hard it was embarrassing.

17) I think I would have been homophobic if my first girlfriend hadn't forbidden me from getting off on watching girls in porn. It almost tore us apart until I realized that trannies exist and were a convenient loophole. It took me about a year to be comfortable with that aspect of my sexuality. Still, it astounded me when I found myself in an actual relationship with a transgender person who was just starting out. In fact, the first time she ever stepped out of the house presenting female was with me. The first time either of us stepped into a gay bar was together. I didn't think I'd ever be that brave or that I would come to love someone not genetically female. It surprised a lot of people, ourselves included, what a natural couple we made. It also made me realize that most men who are attracted to the transgendered are, generally speaking, really, really sleazy and the scum of the gay community. I don't think I could be with another like her unless we connected the way she and I did. I don't know why I have that bar.

18) When my ex and I vacationed in a cabin in the woods a few years ago, we fucked 50 times in 4 days. I didn't think it was physically possible. We were aiming for 10 or 15 but we had nothing else to do as we were snowed in and I'd blown my pay check on the cabin itself and couldn't afford to go out. It was a really nice cabin.

19) My favorite thing to do is fall asleep inside my partner. Nothing matches that feeling of closeness. I also like it when I wake up before them and pull out ever so slowly. The look on their face when they wake up, that mix of shock and anger and pleasure and desire really turns me on.

20) I like laughter. I dislike sex that isn't, at its core at least, overtly good-humored and this is why I actively dislike dominant/submissive type relationships. I don't want to take away your control. I think any relationship that cannot find the humor in the bodies that make it up is not a relationship worth having. I want to feel awe at the human connection and laugh about it and feel happy.

21) I was kissed by my professor who is also a famous author during a one-on-one session that had to do with my work. I wasn't expecting the kiss (I thought it was a random unprovoked hug goodbye), nor had I expressed or received any prior indication of interest. I pulled away because it was inappropriate but I did say "Thank you" because the thought that I could possibly make a famous writer want me provided me with immense gratification.

22) I think I'm ugly and so take any expression of interest in me with a ton of gratitude. One of my best friends (who I tried to sleep with) told me that most people don't hit on me because I seem so confident in my skin that they presume I have a girlfriend or wouldn't be into them. Or it could be that I'm just that unattractive. Not grotesque or anything close to it, just far from the norm. I'm told I'm intimidating. They don't realize I pet stray kittens I meet. People who find this out often fall in love with me. I really want to be conventionally handsome.

23) I've let a couple of my friends use my bedroom to conduct their illicit sexual activities in. I feel sorry for people who have no place to fuck in. I'm nice like that.

24) I think it's strange how even though I hate having my picture taken in regular social settings, I'm completely comfortable with having my picture taken in a sexual setting. I'm also comfortable knowing that a couple of my exes have put those pictures up online. That said, I could never post any of the stuff on my camera online. For some reason, I think that's gross, as is taking my picture myself. Someone else better be doing the clicking.

25) A couple months ago, I was juggling three women. I didn't like the effect secrecy had on myself and my wallet. I did it because I felt like the world owed me for sticking with my last relationship which became a long-distance thing due to my move. I wouldn't do it again.
1) I believe I am pretty much omnisexual. I like sex with boys, girls, trans, queer (and maybe some things outside of the box...). But I identify as lesbian because, well, I'm too lazy to explain it all and I typically only 'date' women. But i can fuck anything.

2) I would love to be dominated, completely, just to experience it.

3) I can not submit to men, just can't...

4) I was once addicted to gay porn, and still rely on it occasionally.

5) I masturbate just to make myself tired enough to sleep most nights.

6) I don't think in one gender, and sometimes when I masturbate I visualize myself stroking my invisible cock.

7) My friends accuse me of being a 'furry' and I deny it, but to be honest, I have no idea.

8) I had a friend once who would get on his knees in front of me, look up, hands behind his back and quietly say "Please, command me, Mistress..." He was joking, but it gave me such a powerful surge I had to walk away.

9) I fully intend on exploring that side of me.

10) One of my sexual goals is to fuck a man in the ass with a strap-on.

11) I prefer virgins, or those less experienced than I am.

12) I would like to take the time to explore a man, but have only come across idiots so far, where once it all starts I wish it were over. I have better things to be doing than letting you borrow my vagina.

13) There was one man though, a gorgeous Puerto Rican truck driver. He wanted to explore. I didn't believe him and I think I kind of trashed that opportunity. I hope to run into him again. The experience was amazing, the only time I've actually enjoyed myself with a man.

14) I strive to fully satisfy my partner, blowing their mind and making their fantasies come true.

15) I really wish things like STDs didn't exist. If they didn't I would fuck many, many, many more people. (I'm often tempted to hit up strangers.)

16) I love giving anal. It makes me think my partner is very very slutty and it's arousing to me.

17) I hate shaving, and really like my legs when they are hairy. Yet I shave my armpits and trim my pubic area.

18) I love getting my boots shined and polished.

19) The smell of leather makes me wet.

20) I find camo to be very sexy, not sure why.

21) I love to dress up and roleplay.

22) I like keeping some clothes on during sex, it somehow feels naughtier.

23) It really freaks me out when girls completely shave their pubic area. It's not appealing to me. Besides, I like a little hair to nuzzle.

24) Cuddling after sex is mandatory.

25) Sex is always better when I love the person.
1) I am a 24 year old guy who considers himself straight, and I am currently single.

2) My earliest memory of masturbation would have been when I was around 12, I think. I remember my older female cousin coming over to stay and she had just jumped out of the shower, wearing nothing but a towel. I remember being curiously turned on, then touching myself later that night to that image. I have never told anyone this as I was and still am ashamed due to the fact she was my cousin.

3) My first sexual experiences were with my first long-term girlfriend. I lost my virginity at 16 (during a movie session at her house). The experience was a little unsettling due to the pain she went through and the awkwardness of both of us virgins grinding away not knowing what to do with our bodies. At the time we both thought it was pretty normal for us to have 'done it' and assumed a majority of our school friends had experienced sex, but a week later the rumour had spread that we'd had sex and it turned out we'd beaten all but one girl to the punch. We became known as 'the couple.'

4) We stayed in a long relationship (6 years) which finally broke up due to long distance and the fact I had cheated on her. I have since had only one other long term girlfriend (2 years) who I broke up with because I found myself wanting to date other people. I an currently single and hoping not to inflict any more pain on a girl wanting a relationship.

5) Because of this need to be single, I am sometimes brutally honest with what I'm looking for in any kind of sexual relationship. Some girls don't want just a fuck buddy and i'm fine with that, but I tell them up front to ensure I don't lead them on.

6) I always feel uneasy trying to hit on girls at nightclubs, and rarely if ever sleep with someone I've only recently met if they're drunk. I feel dirty and feel like I've taken advantage of her. They'll still come home with me, might stay in the same bed as me, but nothing will happen. This happens with me a lot.

7) Because the above happens a fair bit, my friends think I'm a bit of a smooth talking Casanova taking girls home all the time. I've only really had 18 months of singledom and I claim I've slept with 15 different women (including the two gfs) in order to save face. The number is closer to 7, I can't even remember as I've started to believe my own lies.

8) I tend to date 'princess types' but seem to have casual sex with people I really shouldn't. The list of people I shouldn't have had sex with includes ex-girlfriends' friends, people from work and ex-housemates. I also always seem to fantasize about my girlfriends' sisters when in relationships.

9) My deepest darkest secret is that given the chance, I 'digitally snoop' people's cameras or computers for compromising shots of them. I currently have semi-nude photos of both long-term ex-girlfriends' sisters, one of an ex's dad and mom, and one of an ex-housemate. I can't bring myself to delete them even though I know what I'm doing is wrong.

10) I like to think I'm a competent lover, who's particularly good at foreplay. I love to tease girls with massage, kisses all over, especially the neck, and don't mind giving head; even on one night stands. Given a little instruction or helping hand, I always make sure a girl has come once or twice from head and hand-work, before I go to penetrative sex.

11) Because of the hangup I have about drunk girls, I have fooled around with a lot of girls in this way, but don't count them as girls I've slept with as penetrative sex didn't happen. I really wish I'd follow up on these 'half one night stands' as I'm sure that a second actual
round would often be on the cards.

12) I'm not 100% confident with my body at the moment. I've let myself go a bit and I think this now affects my confidence with women. As a result, lots of girls just see me as a good friend, whereas I've seen them as initial attraction, waited too long to make a move due to this hangup and ended up in 'friend town.'

13) Despite being what I've been reassured is slightly above-average dimensions downstairs, I can't help but wish for a bigger penis. I really want my penis both longer and thicker, and have seriously looked into ways to enlarge it.

14) I don't really like getting head. Only one of my girlfriends has been really good at it, and only one has let me come in her mouth.

15) I'm into soft bondage, with tying up each other with a tie or scarf, or I'll hold down their hands using one of mine. Girls drive me nuts when they nibble and gently bite me, or scratch me down my back when I'm on top.

16) The best sex I ever had was with the girl I cheated on my first girlfriend with. It sounds harsh, but to finally realise that everyone has sex differently, and the fact the sex was dirty, sexy, lustful sex, meant it was the most mindblowing experience. I felt like absolute crap afterwards due to the cheating fact.

17) I'm always keen to try new things and keep an open mind in regards to sex. I also like to think I push my partners' sexual boundaries. I'll try anything once.

18) Although I won't have sex with a girl much drunker than myself, sex on drugs is a completely different story. Sex on ecstasy is amazing, and when both me and a girl are on it, I have great sex.

19) I like a girl who talks dirty and plays a little bit submissive. I love a girl who takes control and plays dominant.

20) I've had a fair bit of anal sex with my various partners. I don't think it's always as amazing as most guys seem to make it out to be, and if the girl is uncomfortable I'll stop. Nothing is sexy about a girl in pain.

21) Although I'm quite open and willing to experience, there's stuff that I haven't been able to do. I'd love to have a threesome (both MMF and FFM), an orgy, and a bit more bondage.

22) I masturbate a lot and watch quite a lot of porn. Sometimes I think I spend too much energy masturbating when I could be putting the time and energy into seeing regular sex partners. Sex is always better with another person.

23) I'm intrigued by tantric sex, and wish I could find someone to help me to learn as I think it'd be much better than learning from a book.

24) I'm always commited to safe sex especially seeing as I haven't got a permanent sexual partner. It's more to stop the STIs rather than pregnancy, but that said, 'Knocked Up' scared the crap outta me.

25) I seriously think I'm at the point of my life where I'm happy to be single and experience the smorgasbord of life and sexual experience. A lot of my close friends are getting engaged and the like, and I'm completely opposite to that and very comfortable with that fact. I'm sure I'll eventually want to settle down but for the moment I'm happy with where I'm at.