Monday, February 22, 2010

1. First off, I'm not confused. I confuse people. I confuse them to no end, and that really grates on some of their nerves. Still doesn't make me confused.

2. I give different answers to "What's your orientation?" depending on who's asking. I tell average laypeople I'm bi, because they probably don't know what a pansexual is. I tell bigots that I'm gay, because it annoys them more. I tell people who know what "pansexual" means that I'm pansexual.

3. I would say that I find more people attractive than average, but develop crushes on fewer than average.

4. Sadly, a high percentage of these crushes are on people I have less than a 0% chance of ever sleeping with, on account of their being fictional characters and all.

5. Doesn't stop me from fantasizing, though...

6. I've had two relationships, unless you count elementary school pairings. In which case, three.

7. I've had people of every major orientation/gender identity mix hit on and/or develop crushes on me. Bi girls, couple straight girls, a couple lesbians... several gay guys, couple bi ones... and even the occasional otherwise straight guy. Great for the ego, I tell you.

8. I find intelligence sexy.

9. I believe that gender is in the brain, sex is between the legs, and that gender overrides sex. I know for a fact that there are many people who disagree with this. These people are welcome to not sleep with me.

10. I dislike giant silicone boobs. They intimidate me. They're like henchmen... they don't say anything. They just sit there, ominously. If they had arms, you can bet the mortgage they'd be crossed intimidatingly.

11. On the flip side, naturally giant boobs are fine. The chances of them spontaneously exploding silicone are much lower, and there's more of a chance that the person attached to them doesn't otherwise look anorexic.

12. I've never had sex with a transperson. I'd like to try, but not in that creepy "The only reason I'm dating you is because you have boobs and a dick" kind of way.

13. Something about social dancing freaks the living Hell out of me. I've even devised a system to avoid dancing at parties. (It's quite simple. You hang onto the same handful of chips for about half an hour, and if people tell you to go dance, you say "Can't, I'm eating", waving the chips around for emphasis.)

14. I'm terrible at realizing when people have crushes on me. I mean, just terrible. I just always assume people are being friendly. Took me two weeks to realize my now-boyfriend was, in fact, hitting on me.

15. I would never have the guts to be a stripper. I'd be the world's most awkward stripper. I imagine I'd end up staring at my feet as I took everything off in a meticulous and orderly fashion, after which I'd gather my clothes and briskly walk offstage. I'd be lucky to make enough money to cover parking.

16. I'm not a huge fan of phone sex. To me, it just sounds like awkward questions about clothing, then some descriptions of masturbation, someone breathing heavily into a phone, and then most likely falling asleep at the other end.

17. Despite reading heavily on the subject (like any other teenager with Google), I've only had what would qualify as "oral sex" with two people, one who could really have showered more often, and one whom I'm dating.

18. I'm not in any way turned on by exhibitionism on my part. Maybe if I had a regular (non-trans) body, it'd be different. But not with this body.

19. I could only get into role-playing scenarios during actual bedtime activities. Permanent inequality (ie, a slave/Master relationship, etc.) holds no appeal for me.

20. I think one of the most important things to remember is that there is a huge difference between love and sex. Not that both aren't nice in their own ways, and hey, if they coincide, awesome. But they're still separate.

21. I wouldn't mind trying sex with a woman at some point. It'd be interesting.

22. I often have trouble deciding whether my approach to sex (as a topic) is more "academic" or "hippy." I often then try to imagine how many other people think this about themselves. I'm guessing a couple thousand, tops.

23. I find the word "coitus" highly unattractive. I mean, way to take a reasonably fun act and give it a moniker best suited to some kind of semi-edible shrimp-based stew. Good job, science.

24. I'm game for a lot of things, but excrement, knife play, gun play, and any type of asphyxiation where there's a chance something could go horribly awry are all out, as is anything involving animals or people incapable of consent.

25. I find porn videos with scared-looking participants a turnoff. It's not that I'm against roleplay, au contraire. It's that scared-looking porn stars just remind me of how many porn stars have been sexually abused, and once you start thinking about that, it pretty much kills it.