Monday, March 1, 2010

#1: Technically, my first kiss was in kindergarten, and it was the only first kiss I've ever initiated- a boy in my class gave me a bouquet of dandelions and I kissed him to say thank you. I don't really count that, though, so my first real kiss (then makeout session) was with my best friend when we were eleven years old. We were at an Evangelical Christian youth group sleepover with three other girls in the room.

#2: This friend and I continued having these little hook-up things at sleepovers for a few years. Once, her very religious older brother walked in--we pulled apart, but I'm pretty sure he knew what we'd been doing.

#3: When I was eight or nine, I used to sneak downstairs to the TV room on Friday nights so that I could watch softcore porn on TV (Showcase's Friday Nights Without Borders, to be exact). I'd turn the volume waaaaaaay down, but I was always kind of excited by the fact that I might be caught.

#4: I owe my first orgasm to a book called "All American Girl" by Meg Cabot- in it, one girl tells another about how she "practices" having sex by scooting down under the faucet in the bath tub and pretending that the water is the guy. After reading this, I decided to try it- BAM, orgasm. I was about ten or eleven years old, and I remember being really confused by the feeling at the time.

#5: Similarly to my first kiss, almost all of my past hook-ups have been in churches (Unitarian Universalist ones, though, so sex is a lot more accepted). The first time a guy touched my breasts was in a room with about twenty other people when I was fourteen, and the first time I was fingered/gave hand there were at least three people present.

#6: My first relationship was with the guy from #6, although we never really defined it as such... it started out with just hooking up, but there was definitely more than that there. It kind of fizzled out after a few months, which was mostly my decision- I kind of lost interest. Also, he tended to get very slobbery when we kissed.

#7: I've kissed about an equal number of girls and guys in my life, but I'm not positive about how to define my sexuality. I call myself straight, and I am only romantically attracted to guys, but I do find some girls incredibly sexy as well.

#8: I lost my virginity a little more than a year ago, and though it wasn't perfect, it definitely could have been worse. The guy it was with was someone who I'd previously gone out with, but we broke up because he lived in New York and I lived in Montreal. A fews months later, we decided to give the long-distance thing a chance, especially because we were going to be in the same city later that week (so we could talk about it then). This was on Monday- we saw each other that Saturday, and had sex for the first time that night. It was kind of awkward and pretty painful, but I wanted it to happen, and I'm so glad that it did. This guy and I are now in a wonderful relationship, and I have no regrets whatsoever.

#9: Being in a long-distance relationship is definitely hard sometimes, but it's also very rewarding in a lot of ways. For example, I get SO turned on whenever we first get to see each other, and the first sex we have feels fantastic. A little painful sometimes (he's not small), but in that good-pain way.

#10: Speaking of good pain, I love having my ass slapped and squeezed, my neck sucked and nibbled on, and my hair pulled. That being said, I wouldn't want it to get too extreme; if blood ever got involved, for example, I think I'd run away. I'd definitely like to try more bondage, though--being tied down sounds so incredibly hot.

#11: One of my biggest faults when it comes to sex is that I'm incredibly self-conscious and critical of myself. I'm terrified of rejection, and this means that I don't even feel like I can suggest new positions to try or tell my partner what I want. This lack of confidence affects a lot of areas of my life, and it's something that I really want to work on, but I don't know how.

#12: Going back to #11, the scariest thing I've ever done sexually was tie my boyfriend up and be all dominate-y. It ended up being really fun, though, as well as pretty hot. When I think back to it now, I can't figure out where I got the confidence to do it... I just hope that I'll be able to be that confident again in the future.

#13: I really like the smell of semen. Like... I think it's so great. The taste is okay, but not as good as the smell. I've never talked to anyone else who thinks this, though, so I feel kind of weird about it.

#14: I love being in a long-term, monogamous relationship, and I'm incredibly in love with my boyfriend, but I'm also kind of sad that I can't have sex with girls now. I really want to try it at least once before I die, but I also never want to cheat on my boyfriend.

#15: I LOVE receiving cunnilingus. It is the best feeling in the entire world. Seriously. Nothing else gives me an orgasm anywhere NEAR as good as that... man. Just thinking about it gets me turned on.

#16: A couple of years ago, I got high with some friends-of-friends, and one of them ended up assaulting me, I guess the term is... he pinned me against a bathroom wall, wouldn't stop kissing me and forced his hands into my pants so that he could finger me. It hurt a lot and really scared me at the time, and even though I know it could have been so much worse, it still screwed me up for quite while. I feel like I've moved on now, but I still don't ever talk about it with people.

#17: When I was fourteen, I learned how to put a condom on a banana using only my mouth. I was so proud of this, but I felt like I could never brag about it without looking like a crazy slut, so I kept it quiet.

#18: I think that laughter is a really important part of sex- because it really is such a silly thing when you think about it. I mean, it's messy, there are funny noises coming out of funny places and sometimes very awkward moments: humor seems to be the best way of dealing with it. Sometimes I also laugh just because I'm so incredibly happy. My boyfriend and I frequently end up laughing after having sex, usually when he's still inside of me.

#19: There is such a lot I want to try when it comes to sex: more positions, different locations, toys and role-playing and so much more... it sounds cheesy, but I'm really excited to explore this part of my life.

#20: Though I adore really emotional, loving sex, I also get so turned on by the idea of being thrown down on a bed and fucked really hard. Though he's great in bed, I do sometimes wish that my boyfriend would be less sweet and considerate during sex: I'd like to indulge this whole submissive-thing further.

#21: As I've said, I'm incredibly self-conscious, especially when it comes to my body. I've always been the kind of girl who changes in the bathroom stalls before gym class, and I don't even own a bathing suit because they're so frighteningly unflattering. Possibly because of this, I really love being naked with my boyfriend; it makes me feel so vulnerable and so safe and so natural and so great all at once.

#22: Before I'd ever let anyone see/touch my vagina, my biggest worry was about whether or not I should shave my pubic hair. I was actually quite terrified of having too much and a guy finding it gross, or not having any and a guy finding it weird. Nature kind of decided for me, though; I have super sensitive skin, so if whenever I tried to shave I would get angry razor rash everywhere. I just settled on trimming it fairly short and I've never gotten any complaints.

#23: I'm a very aural person, in that I find hearing people have sex hotter than seeing them have sex. When I watch porn it's usually the woman's moaning that gets me off, and I'm pretty loud myself.

#24: I think that North American attitudes about sex are simply ridiculous. Why is it such a big deal to see a nipple? Why does everyone care so much about a public figure's sex life? It just doesn't make sense to me.

#25: At heart, I'm still pretty cheesy when it comes to sex. I may like bondage and want to try a lot of different things, but I also don't think that there's anything better than snuggling and spooning and falling asleep together after sex. It's just the most amazing feeling imaginable.