Sunday, September 19, 2010

1. I am a 23 year old heterosexual male.

2. I lost my virginity at 14 to a girl who, while she still had more experience than me, was also a virgin. Because of who she was and how she treated me, I developed a (I feel) bizarre perception of sex, that I feel is unhealthy and I've been trying to change.

3. I'm incredibly grateful to the four partners I've had since then, who because they actually cared about me wanted to have a healthy sexual relationship. Each of them has, I think, contributed to the kind of person I am today.

4. Of the four, three of them were virgins. Of the three, two of them were wonderful lovers. Of those two, one of them changed my life the most.

5. I enjoy being dominant, and restraining my lovers during sex, and I've never really had a chance to be the submissive one. That said, I am terrified of causing pain because I'm being forceful. It makes my guts twinge just thinking about it.

6.I don't have much of a sexual imagination. I'm trying slowly, and with some success, to change that.

7. I masturbate at least twice a day, and because of that I'm pretty sure I've never had a wet dream. I actually started masturbating because I was afraid of my mother washing my stained bedsheets.

8. I get off on BDSM porn not because of the domination, but because the pleasure seems real. I think it also helps me learn to see pain as pleasurable.

9.To me, an emotional connection is essential to good sex. I can't even get hard easily if I don't feel some sort of affection towards you. A woman is never just boobs or a vag to me.

10. Sex is not my primary motivator. Or a motivator, for that matter. I never think, "God, I need to get laid." I'm more interested in emotional intimacy. For me, physical intimacy stems from emotional.

11. I feel broken because of #10. I feel like there is something wrong with me because I don't want to have sex with every woman I find attractive. I hate it.

12. I've never had a frank discussion about sex with someone I wasn't in a relationship with.

13. I admit to being a little bi-curious. It's not about lust, though. I just want to explore sexual intimacy with another man, and see if I enjoy it. I just need to find a guy who's attractive to me.

14. I've wondered what my penis feels like to my lovers. Usually it's in the middle of sex, so they describe it with some blend of semi-mystical worship, but I just want to know what it feels like to them. The texture, shape, even the smell and taste. I just want the opinion of someone who isn't staring at it from my perspective.

15. I love the way a woman smells after the two of you have fucked relentlessly and you're gasping for breath.

16. In a primordial, primitive way, pregnant women are incredibly hot to me. The only time I can recall getting an erection in public was when a woman 8 months pregnant and good looking to begin with came into my job and stood there, waiting for her friends.

17. Does any male my age find your run-of-the-mill porn as strange as I do? I just don't get it.

18. I am living with the last woman I slept with. It was my first sexual experience where I wasn't exclusive with my partner. We haven't had sex in two months, since I moved in. I'm afraid to ask her if we can have sex again. I enjoyed it.

19. Perhaps someday I will find a woman with the patience to let me tie her up in those elaborate knots you see in some BDSM. It's like a gift, just put a bow on top!

20. Having sex has taught me to like my body.

21. Every woman I've slept with has had the rather unique peccadillo of getting extremely wet when listening to heavy metal and alt-rock. Considering that this is my music of choice, this has worked out most favorably.

22. I've never understood role-playing, but I have tried it. Not my thing.

23. I write pretty good erotica (or so I've been told) when I'm having sex on a regular basis.

24. I like having my nipples bitten. Maybe a bit too much...

25. At this point in my life, I feel that as I grow sexually, I grow emotionally, and vice versa. I'm proud of how far I've come, and I'm eager to see how far I'll go.