Wednesday, February 3, 2010

1. My fantasy is to have sex with Willow Rosenberg and Dana Scully while the Rocky Horror Picture Show is playing in the background, and our bodies are shiny with massage oil to the point that we can slip between each other without any effort.

2. When I started masturbating at 11, I used to rub against a pillow with all my clothes on and I would have the most amazing orgasms. I haven’t had an orgasm like that since those days. Now, I feel good (amazing, even) but I never have that single moment of climax. This makes me worry that I will never be able to have a great orgasm again and I’ll have to go to sex therapy.

3. I’m an active feminist and I worry how my pubic hair looks constantly.

4. I watch porn or read erotica nearly every day, but I hardly ever masturbate.

5. I lost my virginity when I was 14 to my best friend, who is male. We experimented sexually for over two years. He believed we were in a relationship, even though he knew that I was a lesbian. The sex ruined our friendship, but I don’t regret any part of it. Even through all of it, I never had an orgasm like #2.

6. I wake up sometimes having dreamt that I had one of those #2 orgasms. I wonder if I actually had one in my sleep.

7. I adore women. I believe they are the most perfect creation on Earth; beautiful, soft, and caring. Women don’t like me. Men are attracted to me.

8. I think a brunette with a pixie cut dressed in dark green clothing would be my goddess, if one let me into their world.

9. I find myself obsessed with people very easily. One smile, beautiful handwriting, or an outfit makes me fall in love.

10. When I fall asleep, I like to put my hand over my pubic mound; its warmth puts me to sleep.

11. Once at a party, I was incredibly high and the party host took me to his bedroom. He fingered me and I gave him a blowjob. I never said no and I participated, but I feel like this was rape. I will never tell anyone about this.

12. I think using tongue while kissing feels like a frog loose in your mouth. I do like sucking on lips, however.

13. When I talk to girls I really like, I become extremely beatnik, to the point that I seem like a self-absorbed hipster.

14. I have never given a woman oral sex, but I feel like I have. It feels weird to be extremely gay, and yet I’ve done more with men than women.

15. I find myself wanting to be dominated. Dirty talk makes me feel, well, dirty, but more and more I want someone to push me onto the bed and claim me.

16. I think spooning is the most amazing expression of affection.

17. I wonder if someday I will just give up on women and marry a feminine man, for the social acceptance. My family would be so relieved. I think I could marry a man if he wore all Gap.

18. I think that smoke, the color green, video games, rimmed glasses, progressive thinking, scarves, feminism, baking, mix CDs, and peppermints are incredibly sexy.

19. I don’t think I can ever be faithful to one person. I get sexually bored easily.

20. When I was a little girl, I had a “magic wand” that I used to put in my cunt. I called it “the doctor game.” My mom came in once and asked me why I was in bed. She felt the wand between my legs and left the room. She never mentioned it again.

21. The noises I make when I first wake up are the same as my orgasm noises. The latter is significantly louder, however.

22. I feel like the word “fuck” demeans sex. I still feel like sex is an amazing union, even if my past actions have not showed it.

23. I want someone to give me love marks on my stomach.

24. I have only had three sex dreams in my life. I wish I knew how to have more.

25. When I’m reading erotica and the author refers to the women’s "curls" it turns me on.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

1. I'm a 28-year-old married monogamous bisexual female.

2. I lost my virginity at 17, to another virgin. I was with that guy for about three years after that.

3. I'd done damn near everything else before that that didn't involve a penis below my waist. He hadn't done anything, not even kiss (except masturbating), before he did it with me.

4. I first kissed a girl when I was still with that guy. It almost made me come.

5. I first slept with a girl the summer after I broke up with that first guy. I actually spent much of that summer sleeping with that first girl and another guy; we were a threesome, or in poly terms, a triad.

6. I had another boyfriend by the end of that summer, but kept sleeping with the guy from the triad for several months. I rationalized my cheating by thinking that, since by boyfriend was a virgin (another one!) and wasn't ready to sleep with me, I had to get my fix somewhere.

7. During that same relationship, I flew to Baltimore, MD to take the virginity of someone else that I met online. Sluttiest and most dangerous thing I've ever done. Good thing it didn't end badly.

8. After that, I stopped cheating on my boyfriend, who had in fact started to sleep with me by then. I was faithful until we broke up.

9. I spent a decent amount of time as a cyberslut, starting while I was with my first, and lasting part of the way through that last boyfriend. In fact, that's how I met him. At first it was just in IM and over the phone, but eventually I got a webcam and would masturbate for guys. I had four or five "regulars" that I could count on to participate at pretty much any given time.

10. A few years ago I had to admit to myself that I was molested pretty regularly as a child. It still doesn't really bother me, which in turn bothers me. But what bothers me most, is that it happened with the same people to my cousin, and when she told, I lied and said it didn't happen to me. She's never called me on it.

11. About that same time, I also came to realize that an ex-boyfriend (a different one than in numbers 6-9, and who in fact was my rebound from him) raped me. I'd spent the night in his apartment, and when I woke up he was on top of me. I half-heartedly told him no, even though I felt whole-hearted about it.

12. The bf in #11 had a roommate who was very strongly attracted me, and I confided in him about the rape. Turns out, this guy had done it to other gfs too.

13. Not long after this, I cheated on my bf with his roommate, and we became lovers, or best-friends-with-benefits, but we did tell each other we loved each other all the time. We never were "officially" bf/gf though.

14. I lost that friendship when I met the man who is now my husband and fell in love. My lover/BFWB had apparently wanted to be "official," but hadn't told me. I haven't spoken to him in over six years.

15. I enjoy many aspects of BDSM. I'm a predominently submissive switch (or sometimes, a Mistress who goes subbie). My specific fetishes/kinks include, but are not limited to, biting, breath-play, blood-play, knife-play, puppy-play, bondage, Domination/submission, and name-calling/verbal humiliation.

16. Despite #11, I have rape fantasies. I had them even before #11. Sometimes I really get off on feeling helpless, not in control, and scared.

17. My husband was a virgin when I met him, but like me when I lost my virginity, he'd done just about everything else.

18. We don't have sex very often. My libido has taken a major nose-dive. I am trying.

19. Sometimes I would rather sleep with a woman. I do want to have a girlfriend/female lover, but I could never be in a triad with my husband, I'm too jealous. It'd have to be a V, with me as the bottom point.

20. When I masturbate, I rub myself right behind the opening in my clit hood. I can't pull it back and actually touch my clit; contact that direct hurts.

21. Vampires are sexy. Blood and biting are sexy.

22. I love homoeroticism, especially between two men.

23. Sometimes I get turned on by things that I think I shouldn't, like rape scenes in non-porn movies.

24. Werewolves can be sexy too.

25. I've had sexual contact with a total of 21 people, 14 of them men. Of those men, I've had actual intercourse with 9 of them. Most of those 9 were within a two year span.

Monday, February 1, 2010

1. I’m a 19 year old pansexual female virgin, but I hate labels.

2. I’m incredibly attracted to androgyny and transpeople, both MTF and FTM.

3. I’ve only had two boyfriends, once when I was 17, and once when I was 18. I broke up with each of them, and they both got incredibly depressed. I regret being with them, and even though I say I feel bad for them, I secretly feel incredibly pleased that I hurt someone like that.

4. I’ve been kissed twice, both on the same day. I’ve blocked as much of this out of my memory as possible.

5. My dream is to marry a female to male transgender.

6. I will pretty much go out with anyone I find attractive, regardless of gender.

7. I have a lot of fears about losing my virginity, but I refuse to admit this to anyone.

8. Despite #7, I wish I had lost my virginity in high school; I worry that everyone I’ll go out with in the future won’t understand the fact that I am indeed a virgin.

9. I detest body hair on men and women except for pubes. I don’t like them, but I would never demand for anyone to be hairless down there.

10. In regards to #9, the reason I don’t mind pubic hair is because I’m not completely hairless. I try to trim (recently I’ve taken to buffing hair off), but I just can’t keep it up.

11. I can tell you the exact day I started masturbating: May 11th, 2008. I remember because I was fantasizing about Wesley Crusher from Star Trek.

12. I used to be afraid of masturbating, because I was afraid to stick anything up my vagina. I still retain a bit of this fear.

13. When I masturbate, I tend to fantasize about having insanely mundane conversations.

14. I’m plus-sized, so whenever I go shopping, I buy matching bra and panty sets in my size. I’m amazed that my town has a plus-sized store that sells more than just granny panties. I love how I feel when I wear a matching set: I feel like I fit the media definition of pretty, even when no one else knows.

15. There are a lot of things I’d like to lose my virginity to, including a Stanley Kubrick movie.

16. Recently, my masturbation fantasies have been threesomes, where I’m being held down.

17. I think I would enjoy a bit of light bondage in my sex life.

18. I got a Clean and Clear blackhead eraser for huge blackheads on my nose. It worked, but I noticed that it vibrated, so I took it into my room and I've used it to masturbate ever since. I hide it in one of the drawers under my bed, where I keep movies. I forgot about that when I had wisdom teeth removed, so I think my mom knows what I use it for because she got movies from my room.

19. I’ve never been good with dirty talk, though I like hearing/reading it, I’ve never been able to say or write it. I like writing erotic fiction, but when it comes to sex scenes I feel awkward and almost never continue.

20. I once accidentally masturbated in math class when I was in grade 9. I was 14, and I was just sitting with my legs crossed. I felt pressure, and it felt good, so I squeezed my legs tighter. I don’t know if anyone noticed, but I felt disgusting afterward. I had a hard time being in that room.

21. As long as I’m not sick, I really think I could masturbate to sleep every night, but part of me feels like a whore if I do.

22. I form really intense connections and I feel like I can’t move on sometimes. I feel guilt and regret really easily, so if I miss an opportunity, which I did when I was 17, I hold onto it for a long time.

23. The first time I thought about having sex was when I was 8. I only knew the basic mechanics of it (rod A goes into slot B sort of thing). I dreamed about having sex with Leonard Nimoy.

24. For a time I had major crushes on certain Deities that I worked with on a regular basis. I forced myself to project these feelings onto fictional characters, which I found a lot less creepy.

25. I sometimes worry I’ll have a vanilla sex life and won’t excite my future spouse because I’ll be too afraid for certain things like anal sex.

Sunday, January 31, 2010

1. I first started touching myself when I was 6 or 7, never to orgasm. It was just something I did when I couldn't fall asleep.

2. The first time I ever had an orgasm was when I was 11. I was taking a shower and using the new, massaging shower head my folks had just bought. I started taking a lot of showers, and I was always nervous that my parents would realize why their grass-stained and scuff-kneed tomboy had a new-found obsession with cleanliness

3. My first crush was Bill Nye, The Science Guy. I still find scientists really, REALLY sexy. Lanky men with large noses make me instantly wet.

4. I got my first kiss at 13. I was at a friend's party just after 7th grade. We were all sitting on the front lawn playing spin the bottle. A much older (17-18?) neighbor boy was walking by and asked to play. When he spun, he got me. It was wonderful, but I didn't let myself enjoy it fully because everyone was watching. I do not know his name.

5. I got my 2nd kiss later that same night, from the guy I'd been crushing on all year. He pulled me aside and stroked my hair, brushing it behind my ear. I believe he was trying to be was awful and slobbery, and the crush was over.

6. I have been actively seeking out porn since I was 9 or 10. That's about the age I was when we got HBO. I would stay up late to watch Real Sex, sneaking to the family room and turning the volume WAY down low. There was something about the possibility of getting caught that was beyond thrilling.

7. I write on-line Erotica. I'm good at it. I've made over $1500 since I was 16 by winning contests.

8. I casually mentioned this to a friend once. She found my work. She said she didn't know how to feel about it. I changed my pseudonym immediately, and we've never mentioned it again. I realized that it was the anonymity that allowed me to write so freely.

9. I hated the first blowjob I ever gave. It wasn't that he was dirty or sweaty or anything. Just the opposite, in fact, because he'd just showered. But he was small, and really curved, and he let out an unreal amount of precum. Even looking back on it, the amount was excessive. It was the constant feeling of being slimed that did me in.

10. Luckily, I was brave enough to try it with a different fellow. Giving head is now on par with penetration on my list of orgasm-makers.

11. I have sucked 48 different cocks. I swallow every time. It makes me feel powerful.

12. I hate, HATE receiving oral sex. Nobody believes me when I say this. The guys would say: "It's just because you've never had someone who knows how." My gal pals would say: "It's just because you're self conscious... AND because you've never had someone who knows how." Neither of these statements are accurate. I just don't enjoy it. I used to subject myself to it, but it always turned me off, and I hated feeling like I had to enjoy it. I don't do things I hate anymore.

13. My first time having sex was unusual, compared to the experiences of my friends, but it felt completely natural to me. I was curious what it was like, and I really wanted to know what I was doing, so I asked one of my friends to give me a hand. He found this a powerful turn-on, I viewed it as a research opportunity. My body responded with the appropriate secretions and contractions, but my mind was taking notes. Although it was, for me, completely devoid of any romance or passion, or even horniness, it was really fun, and I was taken with the novelty of the experience. I was 16.

14. The first time I had sweaty, lusty, passionate sex was about 3 months after my first time. It was in a cemetery. Cemeteries are still a major turn on.

15. I am religious about doing Kegels, mainly because I figured out I can make myself cum that way. I always cum at least once during my office's unbelievably boring Friday meetings.

16. It makes me really uncomfortable when guys insist on a woman being completely shaved. Especially if they use the word "innocent" in their explanation.

17. On a related note, I shave my legs and armpits, as a relic of my swim team days, but my bush is full, although well-trimmed.

18. I LOVE hairy balls. Big ones, preferably. Ditto for hairy chests. Please don't shave; it's weird, at the very least. At the worst, it's prickly. I'm not so fond of back hair, but I'd rather deal with that than a guy who "man-scapes."

19. I frequently orgasm the instant my partner enters me.

20. I am incredibly focused on being completely in control of my "outside" life, and nothing turns me on more than a man who will take control in bed. I am crazy attracted to authority figures.

21. I am not very tactful. After a really, really bad experience (I faked, for the first and only time, just so it would be over), I found myself blurting out: "Well, that sucked."

22. I love making love to women, everything about it. I love the breasts, and the secret, soft hollow of the inner thighs, and the way other women smell. The way they taste. To experience another woman excites me so powerfully... but when they reciprocate... nothing. I have known some amazing, glorious, sexually and spiritually exciting women, and I'm sad that I'm missing out on half of the girl-on-girl action. I guess my problem is that I find women sensual and irresistible in the way that the rain, or a lightning storm might be so full of sensuality that I find it sexual... but although I am in awe of, and want to worship these forces of nature, it doesn't make me want them to fuck me. It's the same with women. I want to experience them fully, but they don't sexually excite me.

23. I have had sex with 13 men, and 6 women, but I have trouble identifying myself as bisexual, or straight, or anything, really. The evidence would suggest I'm bi, but I feel dishonest labeling myself in that way. See #22.

24. I go wild for the feeling of a guy being "too big." If he tears me, especially during rough sex, I'll be on Cloud 9 for days. Bonus points if you bruise my cervix. Sex is nice. Making love is nice. Fucking is my favorite. Fucking someone you love is the best thing in the entire universe.

25. I love being in committed relationships. I consider myself a serial monogamist. I believe this is partly because I'm lazy, but mostly because I hate condoms, and I'm too smart not to use them without proper testing.