Thursday, February 9, 2012

1. I'm an 18-year-old female who has identified as bisexual since I discovered what the word meant at 13. I've been dating my current boyfriend for just over three months, and I've never felt so content with someone before.

2. My first kiss was from a girl in my school when I was 13. She was tall and pressed me up against a wall behind the school. I remember being surprised that other people's mouths tasted the same as mine. I enjoyed having a girlfriend. I felt so grown up.

3. I had sex for the first time when I was 14, with a boy I had been dating for three months. It didn't really hurt, and it only lasted a few moments. I don't know whether I enjoyed it or not, but I certainly don't regret it. I told my mother what had happened when she picked me up that night on her way home, and she gave me a hug and a hot whisky when we got home - this is what she does when I injure myself.

4. I spent two and a half years dating a boy who I wasn't attracted to at all. I put off having sex with him as often as possible. The only thing I enjoyed about the sex we had was the fact that he liked to spank me with my riding crop, tie me up and put clips on my nipples. I loved that. I wanted more of it, but I never made my desires evident.

5. I masturbate a lot to the thought of being forced to submit to someone else.

6. I cannot, and have never been able to, make myself orgasm. I've never orgasmed through penetrative sex. The only times I have orgasmed is when getting head or being fingered, but that doesn't mean I don't like penetrative sex or masturbation. Some people have a hard time understanding just how much I enjoy sex, even though it doesn't make me orgasm.

7. I've slept with 5 men and 1 woman, and I've messed around with a lot more. I've kissed more people than I can count. This isn't bragging - I don't really know how I feel about this. So far in my life, I regret none of it, but I know that may change.

8. I had an abortion about 3 weeks ago. I live in a country where abortion is illegal and my mother and I traveled on a plane and came back the same night. My boyfriend paid half. I know how I got pregnant. I'm on the pill now. I don't want children until I'm much older and I don't regret the abortion--it was the logical thing to do.

9. I'm terrified of the idea of being watched having sex. I used to be terrified by the thought of anyone knowing that I'm having sex--I would feel embarrassed and ashamed. But now I don't mind so much, and I don't care if people's roommates are at home when I'm there. I'm more relaxed about sex generally.

10. I would never, ever have public sex, though.

11. I love being held face down during sex and having the back of my neck bitten, hard.

12. My boyfriend, when asked about BDSM, says he thinks it's weird. But he asks me to scratch him, hold him down, bite him, take control during sex. It's so different to what I'm used to, but I kind of like the change. I want to be controlled, but I'm also enjoying playing it the other way.

13. I'm obsessed with anal sex. I crave it. I've only had it twice, when I was 14, and since then I haven't had a partner who would consent to it. One guy used to stick his thumb in my anus when he was having sex with me, and I loved it, but it our arrangement was very casual and I thought it might be pushing it to ask for more.

14. I slept with that guy for 4 months after coming out of a long relationship (see 4). The sex was incredible. I was so attracted to him. I was 17, he was 21, and he seemed so glamorous - In the last year of a degree in design, his own car, his own flat, two jobs plus a sideline selling drugs - he was loaded. We both slept with other people during that time, him more than me. In the end he got a 'real' girlfriend, instead of a kid he hooked up with.

15. My boyfriend is that guy's friend, and I only really know him because he slept with my best friend for a while. He's 6 years older than me, but he's the first person I've dated who doesn't care about the age gap. It's been really intense - its feels like we've known each other for years. I'm more attracted to him than I thought it was possible to be. He's heavily bipolar, and at times it's hard dealing with him, but its worth it.

16. I hate the taste of semen, but I love the sensation of someone, male or female, coming in my mouth. I feel degraded, and simultaneously like I've achieved something.

17. I would love for someone to hold total control over me. Not all the time--I want my own life--but when we both wanted it. I want to be completely helpless, not have any control over myself. I think this is why I like drugs, too.

18. Sometimes I don't want to have sex, like when I'm on a comedown or I don't feel well, or when I was pregnant and felt sick all the time, but usually if whoever I'm with keeps pushing for it I'll always give in, and they're usually right: I do feel better afterward.

19. I love having my ass grabbed. I love the way my ass looks and feels. I love the feel of other girls' asses, too. I think it'd be a bit weird to do the same to a guy, and I'm not sure why I think that.

20. I once scratched my boyfriend's back, during sex, so hard it bled. He came instantly, and he still has the scars on his back. I did it because he asked me to, and all I felt was vaguely disgusted at all the skin under my fingernails. But I would love if he would do that to me, so I didn't mind it.

21. I have both my nipples pierced, my navel pierced, and my tongue pierced twice. Some people are disgusted by the piercings, and some people are turned on my them. I love having the rings in my nipples pulled.

22. I shave all the hair off my vulva, bar a strip down the front, and I shave my underarms. I refuse to shave my legs because I'm blonde and the hair is barely visible anyway. I don't like shaving, but my boyfriend and nearly everyone I've slept with says they prefer it that way.

23. I love some hair on guys, though not too much. I like rubbing my face in chest hair.

24. Sex on MDMA is incredible. I love taking it with my partner and just spending hours touching each other, feeling all the sensations and the affection - the "lovebuzz."

25. I'd probably have sex for money, if the opportunity arose.